Cigarette (2006)

The dictionary defines cigarette as a small roll of finely cut tobacco for smoking, enclosed in a wrapper of thin paper. A simple definition; it hardly does justice to the pain it inflicts. For some it is the act of rebellion from the forces by which they are bound. For others, it is the over-worn string keeping them anchored to their sanity. Some fear its effects, while others choose to find bliss in forced ignorance. The fixation controls thoughts and feelings- leaving you helpless to the danger you have willingly accepted. Each pull of smoke is another stone laid upon the walls in which you have become so inescapably enclosed. He is my cigarette, and he’s got me hooked. I look at him with resentment, but at the very same time he brings an undeniable sense of relief. He’s a temporary high, leaving me with nothing but a blurred delusion of reality. I breathe him in, well aware of the damage being done, but enjoying the timely pleasure for what it’s worth. He keeps me coming back for more, and I continue to grow weaker to the urge. I have surrendered the fight, and he has won. As I slowly pull his poison in, I lay calm, still; I am numb to the touch. I tell myself I’ll quit one day, but the sad truth remains: I will surely die trying.

People Always Leave

PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE. Whether we want to accept it or not, they do. The unfathomable rate at which they come and go without a care is devastating. Some leave by choice, while others are taken from us; ripped away by forces beyond our control. At the very least, in time, we learn to accept these absences as a natural course. Although unfair, they do not stem from coldness or malice; selfishness or monstrous egotism. Sadly, some take for granted what they have around them and walk away. One leaves behind the remnants of ended relationships, broken friendships, questions unanswered; a void unfilled. A coward runs away—but what is it you’re afraid of? Hurt, confusion, or the inevitable let downs that follow you through your life? What makes you think that by running away you won’t encounter them still? You will. And when you do, the tears still taste the same; the ache in your heart still burns like a fire in your chest; the regret still dwells inside of you. You can’t out-run them, as hard as you may try; your efforts are pointless. For the person who is realizing that this hits dangerously close to home, I feel sad. Seeing you give up; allowing yourself to become hollow and numb, it breaks my heart. It pains me because not only have you given up on all of those around you, but you’ve given up on yourself. You put on a show—an epic façade of strength and fearlessness—but it’s not real. STOP HIDING. Stop letting your fear of failing control you. Enjoy the rush despite the risk. A skydiver jumps from a plane thousands of miles in the air. They plummet to the ground, well aware of the risk they have taken. Their life could end in a matter of minutes, but this very same danger is what makes the fall worthwhile. Your weakness lies not in the physical dangers, but in the fear of feeling. You shut out what threatens any true sensation to the numb existence you have created. Don’t shut out the good or all you’re left with is questions:. What could have been, what should have been, or what could still be. Don’t be afraid of what could go wrong, or nothing will ever have the chance to go right. Just let go, take a deep breath, and FEEL. If not for anyone else but yourself, just feel. But don’t leave—cause people always leave—so why would you want to be just like everybody else.